[ another breathless laugh. Jen doesn't make any sudden moves, her eyes slipping closed at the touch. ] Mmm, I mean, yeah I was there but... my memory's feeling a little fuzzy already. [ it all happened so fast, so much. can anyone blame her for that? ]
[Lina moves her head in and presses a gentle kiss on Jen's neck while her fingers run up and down her side. she's reluctant to move up to her shoulder and then back down to what's... to her stump?, but she's considering it very strongly.]
It was really good. All you need to know is it's the best I've felt in months.
[ she's still keyed up from after everything, but not so much that the kiss is anything but a comfort to her. a kind gesture of appreciation. even so, Jen lets her head loll to the side gently as a pleased hum works its way up from her chest. ] Mmmmokaaay... I can live with that.
[ Jen finds herself twitching that vacant space because, for a moment, she forgets the prosthesis is laying on the table and she cannot card the fingers of that hand through Lina's hair or anything. bodies are dumb. she quickly switches it up for the proper hand to accomplish her task, even if it's a bit harder due to their position. ]
[okay, well, that's just cute. it's not something Lina's going to bring up ever again, that Jen forgot she didn't have her arm on, because she does have some idea of how to be tactful, but now that Jen's fingers are in her hair Lina is feeling much more relaxed about it. she reaches her own hand out carefully, coming off Jen's side and up to her shoulder, then down again to just above where her prosthesis usually attaches.]
[she makes a quiet noise, mostly out of utter contentment from how calm this entire experience has been, and keeps her touch light. she doesn't want to push any boundaries, and confidence can turn to overconfidence so easily. the other purpose of that noise, then, was to open it up in case Jen wanted to stop her or say anything about the touch.]
[ very, very few people could get away with finding something like that amusing. it just goes to show how used to having it Jen was. it's a shame it was uncomfortable to sleep with it on, because if it wasn't for that she'd just wear it all the time. again: bodies are dumb. it's rather amusing, too, how Jen went from resenting the presence of the arm to having it be such an integral part of her everyday life. the convenience itself was beyond words, obviously, but even just having it there, feeling the weight of it at her side, the way it moved when she responded as if it was truly a part of her...
and, hey, having people stare at that side of her for good reasons sure as hell didn't hurt.
having her bare arm touched, though, always came at a surprise. mostly because the only times it happened were under clinical or otherwise professional circumstances. or, well, being handled while playing sports. even in the latter incidents most people pulled away and/or apologized straight away. like they were afraid of hurting her - they could - or it was disgusting for them - it probably was.
the touch... it's not unwelcome, but Jen does tense up and hold her breath out of sheer reflex. her other hand stops too, but soon resumes its gentle pace, fingers threading through Lina's locks in the same manner. a moment later and she finally relaxes herself. ] I... don't mind if you touch it, you know. [ a chuckle. ] It won't bite.
[Lina's hand stops, her touch becoming feather-light when she feels Jen tense. it's not what she wants to happen. she doesn't want this to be bad, to be uncomfortable. she—lets out a breath. okay. things are okay. and Jen is even okay enough to make a joke about it, and that's what brings the smile back to Lina's face. after the realization does hit her that everything's okay, she returns to the same idle trails she'd been drawing. though maybe they're a little less idle now.]
I just wanted to make sure. It's silly, right? [a soft puff of air from her nose.] We've done so much with each other and I'm still worried about touching this?
[it's not something Lina could ever know for herself. not unless she somehow ended up in Jen's body, which would just be absurd.]
[ Jen shrugged her other shoulder and turned her head to the side so she could watch what Lina was doing so it wouldn't feel as foreign to her. the muscles were built up from her training but oddly... firm. atrophy is a common side effect of all this but she obviously did a lot to keep herself from looking lopsided beyond the obvious. the skin itself is still damp with sweat but also quite rough despite that, especially now around the indentations the new socket leaves her with. they're barely visible with how long it's been off, but easy to feel. ]
Sorry. I'm not holding that worry against you. Just. Most people - okay pretty much no one goes near it unless they're my doctor or trainer.
[of course she did a lot to keep herself looking this way. Lina knows now that Jen puts so, so much effort into everything she does, that this whole time she's been thinking of her dead wrong and there's nothing easy or simple about her life. she's quiet, then, while Jen talks.]
I should fix that. [she doesn't know why she's taking that responsibility as her own, but maybe it's just because she's here and opportunity is knocking. her fingers move along the edge, where the socket usually goes, and she can feel its presence even though it isn't there, which seems. appropriate.]
I'm going to get better about your arm. [her voice is gentle, but the sentiment is real, even if she doesn't feel like she's saying it exactly right.] I'm sorry.
You didn't do anything wrong. [ it's reflexive that she says that, as that's not entirely true. all those times Lina has shied away from her taking care of her arm, or taking off her prosthetic, did not go unnoticed. but this wasn't the time for calling her out. Jen wouldn't call anyone out unless they were being an absolute ass about it; even then, she'd likely just walk away. she's had those fights before and there was no winning anyone over. ]
It's like my therapist always said - people are just afraid of what they don't understand. [ and here she draws her hand down to grip Lina's shoulder. ] I don't... want you to ever know what it's like. But I'd like it if you were more comfortable with it.
[it's something Lina's aware of, don't worry. she's noticed, especially now that she's trying to get closer to Jen. she's noticed how bad she is at coexisting in more ways than one, and treating Jen like she's... something to be ashamed of isn't the right way to handle it.]
It might take a little while. [she may as well be honest about it. what else is she willing to be honest about...?] Is there. Anything you think I should understand about it?
[even though she's still being close with Jen, still gently touching her arm, she feels tense just asking that question.]
Mmn. I'm not going anywhere. [ which is a statement that could be interpreted a few different ways, yes, but Jen's intent is to make it clear that Lina has more than a while to get used to things.
there's something else important she ought to warn her about. but in light of everything that's already happened tonight there's just no desire to get into it. Jen rubs at her friend's arm with her hands, pulling the blanket up a bit more as she does so, so that she can get under it and continue the motion without exposing Lina to the relatively cool air. ]
[Lina's not that dumb. she smiles and presses her lips against Jen's jawline because it's the easiest part to reach and curls up under the blanket with her. this is so strange that it's even happening, but it feels even stranger that she still hasn't told Jen she likes being the little spoon. she'll do it one of these days.]
That's the second best idea I've heard all day. [ the first? well. that goes without saying. in this position Lina is more like a very warm blanket draped over Jen the way she is. but that's also very good.
is her neck going to hate her later when it's time to get up? probably. 300% worth it though. ]
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It was really good. All you need to know is it's the best I've felt in months.
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[ Jen finds herself twitching that vacant space because, for a moment, she forgets the prosthesis is laying on the table and she cannot card the fingers of that hand through Lina's hair or anything. bodies are dumb. she quickly switches it up for the proper hand to accomplish her task, even if it's a bit harder due to their position. ]
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[she makes a quiet noise, mostly out of utter contentment from how calm this entire experience has been, and keeps her touch light. she doesn't want to push any boundaries, and confidence can turn to overconfidence so easily. the other purpose of that noise, then, was to open it up in case Jen wanted to stop her or say anything about the touch.]
the last tag you're getting tonight (nottalking)
and, hey, having people stare at that side of her for good reasons sure as hell didn't hurt.
having her bare arm touched, though, always came at a surprise. mostly because the only times it happened were under clinical or otherwise professional circumstances. or, well, being handled while playing sports. even in the latter incidents most people pulled away and/or apologized straight away. like they were afraid of hurting her - they could - or it was disgusting for them - it probably was.
the touch... it's not unwelcome, but Jen does tense up and hold her breath out of sheer reflex. her other hand stops too, but soon resumes its gentle pace, fingers threading through Lina's locks in the same manner. a moment later and she finally relaxes herself. ] I... don't mind if you touch it, you know. [ a chuckle. ] It won't bite.
challenge accepted
I just wanted to make sure. It's silly, right? [a soft puff of air from her nose.] We've done so much with each other and I'm still worried about touching this?
[it's not something Lina could ever know for herself. not unless she somehow ended up in Jen's body, which would just be absurd.]
you did it wtg
[ Jen shrugged her other shoulder and turned her head to the side so she could watch what Lina was doing so it wouldn't feel as foreign to her. the muscles were built up from her training but oddly... firm. atrophy is a common side effect of all this but she obviously did a lot to keep herself from looking lopsided beyond the obvious. the skin itself is still damp with sweat but also quite rough despite that, especially now around the indentations the new socket leaves her with. they're barely visible with how long it's been off, but easy to feel. ]
Sorry. I'm not holding that worry against you. Just. Most people - okay pretty much no one goes near it unless they're my doctor or trainer.
hey so did they
I should fix that. [she doesn't know why she's taking that responsibility as her own, but maybe it's just because she's here and opportunity is knocking. her fingers move along the edge, where the socket usually goes, and she can feel its presence even though it isn't there, which seems. appropriate.]
I'm going to get better about your arm. [her voice is gentle, but the sentiment is real, even if she doesn't feel like she's saying it exactly right.] I'm sorry.
ayyyy
It's like my therapist always said - people are just afraid of what they don't understand. [ and here she draws her hand down to grip Lina's shoulder. ] I don't... want you to ever know what it's like. But I'd like it if you were more comfortable with it.
So... thank you.
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It might take a little while. [she may as well be honest about it. what else is she willing to be honest about...?] Is there. Anything you think I should understand about it?
[even though she's still being close with Jen, still gently touching her arm, she feels tense just asking that question.]
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there's something else important she ought to warn her about. but in light of everything that's already happened tonight there's just no desire to get into it. Jen rubs at her friend's arm with her hands, pulling the blanket up a bit more as she does so, so that she can get under it and continue the motion without exposing Lina to the relatively cool air. ]
Not tonight.
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[Lina's not that dumb. she smiles and presses her lips against Jen's jawline because it's the easiest part to reach and curls up under the blanket with her. this is so strange that it's even happening, but it feels even stranger that she still hasn't told Jen she likes being the little spoon. she'll do it one of these days.]
Let's just get some rest.
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is her neck going to hate her later when it's time to get up? probably. 300% worth it though. ]