[that's for the best, that Jen isn't looking to meet Lina's gaze. she still has the cards next to her, on the arm of the couch, but she's not paying attention to them. all her attention is on Jen, and she's never seen her like this before, and it's... if she were more paranoid, or if this were somehow a more intense situation, she'd be worried that she had said something wrong.]
[for now, she's just going to make herself listen instead of trying to say anything. so... Retrospec knew? they knew about Jen's arm. which was also Yang's arm. which also raised the question of how long of a game were they playing? how much of this was part of Retrospec's plan to begin with—how much of her life really is under her control? is she even... is she Lina Geteilt at all? was all this determined for her?]
[well, there's something close to the freakout Jen might have been expecting. Lina leans back and stares forward, her eyes widening. a low voice is all she can muster, and her lips barely move.]
[ it's that one word that carries the weight of everything Jen was thinking about. it was the culmination of every bit of self-awareness, introspection, doubt, and fear that she'd been carrying since the first set of memories came rolling in.
most of her fears, anyway. there was another catch. ]
But what if - what if it worked both ways?
[ this is the part where things get messy inside of her head. there's a spark of emotion in her tone, finally. hope? defiance? there's a spark of energy with no immediate outlet. ] Yang lost her arm later in life. Sometime between half my memories and the other. And I don't ... I can't believe that I was born into this world like this just to fit into that. There has to be more to it than that!
[ yep, definitely defiance. Jen's way of looking at the world, of scoffing in the face of concepts such as luck or fate guiding her through life's ups, downs, achievements and losses shining through.
Jen turns to Lina and her eyes are a bright red now. like her favorite rosy lipstick. like simmering embers. a solid contrast to Lina's own brilliant blue. ] I'm mad, Lina! I'm mad as hell that this is happening to me and I refuse to believe that I was made to fit anyone's schemes. I won't allow it! I can't.
[Lina listens, and Lina watches, and she doesn't know if it'll make it better or worse to call out her roommate's changing eye color. she decides to bring that up later; there are more important things to be concerned with. like this fire that's inside Jen that she wasn't entirely sure she knew about until now.]
[the hand that's been resting at her side clenches into a fist against the couch. her eyes aren't glowing or burning, but they're full of more resolve than she's shown in a long time. this fire... it reminds Lina of one that burned inside her up until a few years ago. when she thought it had burned out entirely.]
It's bullshit. You're better than that. Nobody tells you who you are and they're not going to start now.
[but her light had to come from somewhere.]
You're Jen fucking Bowen. Nobody could plan for you.
Yeah. [ Jen nodded along with the affirmation. it felt so good to have Lina on her side in this, because she had started to worry that she was going back on her own word from before; where Jen said they were not allowed to let the other spiral. this whole sequence had come dangerously close to that before Jen could strike back against it. but even with that confidence and support she's not sure that she's given those feelings a knock-out blow just yet. ]
Yeah! You're right!
[ she tucks her leg up onto the couch so she can turn to face Lina with her body too, hand planted in the cushions as she leans in close. ] They can't tell any of us who to be. Not me, and not you. I'm not going to let them decide who we become.
[the determination on Lina's face stays strong, and it's hard not to lean in to match Jen's newfound resolve. things are on the upswing again and something sparks to life inside Lina and she's so thankful for Jen in this moment for reminding her that this shit is not fair and she doesn't have to sit here and take it because she's Lina fucking Geteilt and she is better than this, damn it!]
We're us. We decide who we are and what we do, and they can do as much shit to us as they want because it's never going to change that.
[Lina's voice is sounding more and more confident as she goes on until it reaches a point that she doubts Jen has ever heard, and she's smiling proudly at herself when it does.]
I used to sound like this all the time! Fuck, Jen, what even happened to me? We have to fight back against this. We don't have to just sit here and keep taking this!
[ conversely, Jen was quite used to getting this hot-blooded often, but only when on the field, the track, the court. it's invigorating to tap into that kind of power and motivation without it being tied to competition in sports.
despite what she had just said about being her own person, Jen cannot help but compare the feeling to way Yang behaved in her first memories. thrashing all those goons at the bar with a smile on her face because she knew she could take every last one of them.
and she knows now that if Yang can take on the world and win, there's nothing stopping her from trying the same.
the feeling rebounds off of Lina's newly expressed confidence, too. the room is suddenly an echo chamber but instead of deafening it's empowering the way they seem to be reaching the same fever pitch together. ]
I don't know what happened - but I like this side of you. A lot. [ she closes her eyes for a moment and when they are re-opened the red has gone away again. the fire is only visibly dissipated though as she's no longer feeling that burst of rage from before. adrenaline is still kicking. ]
[and Lina's feeling pretty full of adrenaline herself. she's grinning outright, and it's a happy smile but that's not all it is. her back is straight, which is probably about to be the only straight thing about her, and her head is held high and she pulls up her own legs so she's sitting on top of them on the couch and she turns her entire body to face Jen.]
[huh. Jen's eyes look back to normal now. or whatever the new normal is. she looks good no matter what color her eyes are, though.]
You reminded me what I used to be like! [she could go into a long talk about her past right now, and if she weren't feeling so hyped up she might, but she's not thinking about that right now.] It's always been in here, it's just... I forgot what it was like to feel like this. It feels good.
[her eyes flit down Jen's body very quickly, then head back up to her face. the smirk she's wearing looks like a challenge.]
[ it does feel good. it's a bit of emotional whiplash in the big picture view of tonight, but at least it went up from where it started instead of the other way around. there's still a chance to end tonight on a high note, and-
god. Jen really shouldn't be thinking of that so literally. but with the way Lina's talking about herself, and the way she's looking at her... ]
Oh yeah? [ she finds herself licking her lips swiftly. convincing herself that's just because she was afraid of them running dry after all that talking. yeah, that's it. Jen's hand rises from the couch and rests itself upon Lina's knee. casually.....
no, there's nothing casual about the look in her eyes now, or the thoughts in her mind. ]
[ha. god. Jen wants to do something. which is good, because Lina is also feeling it, even if all "it" is is a fire that she thought she'd let die.]
Oh yeah?
[emotions may still be running high, but Lina still... probably has enough sense not to take that too far. but she does know what they're both comfortable with, and she's not really planning on wasting much time here. she pushes herself forward and puts her arms on Jen's shoulders, trying her best to push her down on the couch while kissing her harder than she ever has.]
[whether that first part pops off all right and she ends up on top of Jen is up in the air, but she doubts her roommate will have any problems with sudden, intense making out.]
[ Jen doesn't have the will nor the way to properly resist that kind of push - nor does she particularly want to. once again, Lina's taken the initiative and that's always a welcome feeling for her. her one leg is still on the floor and the other easily caves out from under her as she pulls her only hand up to clutch at Lina's side as they fall back together. it's mostly to keep them from doing anything dumb like accidentally hitting their teeth together or biting each other's lips, but once they are in the clear she starts to kiss her friend back with an intensity to match their earlier proclamations.
[once she's safely on top of Jen and they're not in danger of hurting each other, Lina moves a hand from Jen's shoulder to her hair, letting the new color play between her fingers as she finishes pressing her lips against her roommate's. the iron has never been hotter.]
You really wanna do this?
[this is going to be Jen's last chance to back out if she doesn't want this to get racy, but the way Lina's asking, the slight cockiness to the question, the way the hand that started on Jen's shoulder is oh-so-casually slipping downward and the part where she's barely an inch from Jen's lips when she asks it, Lina thinks she knows the answer already.]
[ the pause gives Jen time to reel in her thoughts. Lina's intent can be interpreted a couple of ways, and while they've done all this talking about assumptions, in this one case she feels as if there is a safe bet that all their talk of consent and limitations will pay off. she won't try anything that they don't both agree to, and they can stop when they want to.
if they want to. when they want to. same difference... right? ]
I really want to get out of these sweaty clothes. [ Lina can either help her with that, or get off so she can do it herself. that choice is hers. she may be relatively dry after the ride in her air conditioner car from the gym, but her shorts and sports bra and the sweatpants worn over the former are still holding on to a fair bit of workout funk. ]
[this time, Lina's not going to fake her out. this time, Lina doesn't really care how Jen smells because they're both going to need showers after this anyway. because that's basically permission, right? to see Jen in a state of undress but on purpose this time?]
[her hands both slide down, then, to Jen's chest stay there for a moment while Lina comes back in for another kiss, just as hard as the first. it's been a while since she's felt a girl up like this before, much less one she has to literally live with after it's over, and double much less one as out of her league as Jen is, but she's going to do her best.]
[she fumbles for the zipper of Jen's bra with her heart racing and her body trying to stay still as though she'll wake up out of some incredible dream she's having if she makes a single wrong move. it's nothing she hasn't seen before, but seeing Jen like this is somehow almost enough to pierce her confidence. until she tells herself that this is what they both want and if Jen didn't want it then she'd stop it and says fuck it and pulls the zipper all the way down.]
[actually looking would mean breaking the kiss again, though, and she's not sure she wants to do that quite yet.]
[ Lina was just. helping her, in a way. that's how she'll looking at it. this was cathartic after what they just went through and they were helping each other!
kissing is good. very good. so is being free from the tight top like that but, yes, having it happen in this moment is not something Jen could say she ever predicted would happen. she can't even say if she's so sure it should be happening but - it's done. her chest heaves as she continues to hold Lina close and mash their lips together. ]
[ Jen's not nearly as worn out as she might normally be after all of ... that. a lot of That. the state of current dress or how much of a tangled mess the two of them are on the couch is the least of the important details, too, with her mind and body still reeling from the rather whirlwind time she just had with Lina.
her roommate.
the one she was supposed to "keep it casual" with...?
this. could still be casual, right? if draping the blanket that was covering the back side of the couch over their bodies and shifting herself to snuggle up more comfortable with her could be considered "casual" then it counted. right? right.
casual or not, that was amazing, and she really ought to find the words for it. tired as her jaw might well be. ] That... wow...
[this whole thing was surprisingly casual! they're just. they're friends. who casually do stuff with each other. roommates with benefits. it's totally normal, it's a thing that people do all the time.]
[Lina can't believe herself. she kind of can, but also she kind of really, really can't. but she super can't believe Jen, who was not only okay with this but encouraged it and holy shit she should've encouraged it sooner. Lina's breathless and holding her roommate close and letting herself recover and she has the stupidest look on her face.]
We just did that. [don't worry, Jen. Lina's got you covered.] That was... fuck.
[ Jen found herself suppressing a laugh. okay, she wanted to laugh at that, but she's still catching her breath too and besides she doesn't want to blurt that out when Lina's so close.
they're so close. on several terms now, apparently. things escalated so fast from the moment that she set foot in the bathroom and caught sight of her changes in the mirror, to her and Lina pumping themselves (each other?) up that they'd fight for their identities.
guess all that energy had to go somewhere. what better direction than... into each other?
wow, okay. thinking too much deeper into that is going to have to wait a few more moments. ] Yes... yes, we did.
[Lina didn't even bother suppressing that laugh when she heard Jen going for it, and it's bubbly in its exhaustion, like she still has some kind of energy inside of her even though she has no idea where it would even be coming from.]
I'm glad we did.
[that's sincere, but it's maybe not the right time for it, even though her brain is flooded with all kinds of good-time chemicals and she can't think of any time that would be better.]
Mmmn, me too. [ also sincere. she can question the how-and-why of it all later. much later. Jen will also have to see how it fits in with her whole current ideal life and relationship goals and all that other complex stuff. it just... it felt really good to just let go like that? maybe it wasn't the most productive way to send a "fuck you!" message to this screwed up town and its systems but damn it, they've done it, together, and it felt good. so good. ]
[she holds Jen closer even if they're both still recovering from being closer than they'd ever been before, and Lina has absolutely no plans to let her go.]
Where do you need to be that isn't right here?
[christ, she's disgusting. she should be making fun of herself right now.]
Uh, I don't know. In the shower...? [ perhaps now more than ever. Jen is only half-joking about it, and her tone might be more serious than expected, but it was an honest answer. when has she been anything less than honest for the most part? ]
Or maybe a bath. God, yes, a hot bath. [ a chuckle. ] Though at this rate I'd just pass out. Melt down the drain.
[she saw that coming. they could both use a shower or a bath or something, but the idea of taking one together, even if it crosses Lina's mind, is just totally counterproductive right now.]
Fine. I guess I can let you take a bath or something. If I have to.
[she's not letting up, though. she's too happy and lazy like this.]
Fine. [ she echoed in a tone that almost approached petulant. pouty at best. Jen didn't really have that spirit in her, but it felt nice to come down after all this and be able to still joke around with her roommate and not. like. freak out about oh my god what have they done.
is that not a good attitude to have right now? does acceptance make her a bad person? Jen's a normal girl with normal needs, dammit, and if it turns out this city was turning her into a real horndog... well. she'll deal with it. ]
Mmm. Later though. I already feel like jelly. [ she wriggles her stump a bit, trying to make herself more comfortable. ] What did you do to all my hard-won muscles?
[there's acceptance and there's resignation, and resignation is the thing that Lina just fought through to get to this point. acceptance is how she's dealing with the fact that yeah, things might be a little different between her and Jen from now on, but she can't think of any way it could go bad. maybe she's naïve.]
You know exactly what I did to them. [she giggles and nuzzles herself against her roommate, and her hand goes up Jen's side carefully. she doesn't want to make Jen self-conscious or anything.] I guess you'll just have to build them up some more.
[ another breathless laugh. Jen doesn't make any sudden moves, her eyes slipping closed at the touch. ] Mmm, I mean, yeah I was there but... my memory's feeling a little fuzzy already. [ it all happened so fast, so much. can anyone blame her for that? ]
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[for now, she's just going to make herself listen instead of trying to say anything. so... Retrospec knew? they knew about Jen's arm. which was also Yang's arm. which also raised the question of how long of a game were they playing? how much of this was part of Retrospec's plan to begin with—how much of her life really is under her control? is she even... is she Lina Geteilt at all? was all this determined for her?]
[well, there's something close to the freakout Jen might have been expecting. Lina leans back and stares forward, her eyes widening. a low voice is all she can muster, and her lips barely move.]
They knew you would need her arm.
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[ it's that one word that carries the weight of everything Jen was thinking about. it was the culmination of every bit of self-awareness, introspection, doubt, and fear that she'd been carrying since the first set of memories came rolling in.
most of her fears, anyway. there was another catch. ]
But what if - what if it worked both ways?
[ this is the part where things get messy inside of her head. there's a spark of emotion in her tone, finally. hope? defiance? there's a spark of energy with no immediate outlet. ] Yang lost her arm later in life. Sometime between half my memories and the other. And I don't ... I can't believe that I was born into this world like this just to fit into that. There has to be more to it than that!
[ yep, definitely defiance. Jen's way of looking at the world, of scoffing in the face of concepts such as luck or fate guiding her through life's ups, downs, achievements and losses shining through.
Jen turns to Lina and her eyes are a bright red now. like her favorite rosy lipstick. like simmering embers. a solid contrast to Lina's own brilliant blue. ] I'm mad, Lina! I'm mad as hell that this is happening to me and I refuse to believe that I was made to fit anyone's schemes. I won't allow it! I can't.
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[the hand that's been resting at her side clenches into a fist against the couch. her eyes aren't glowing or burning, but they're full of more resolve than she's shown in a long time. this fire... it reminds Lina of one that burned inside her up until a few years ago. when she thought it had burned out entirely.]
It's bullshit. You're better than that. Nobody tells you who you are and they're not going to start now.
[but her light had to come from somewhere.]
You're Jen fucking Bowen. Nobody could plan for you.
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Yeah! You're right!
[ she tucks her leg up onto the couch so she can turn to face Lina with her body too, hand planted in the cushions as she leans in close. ] They can't tell any of us who to be. Not me, and not you. I'm not going to let them decide who we become.
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We're us. We decide who we are and what we do, and they can do as much shit to us as they want because it's never going to change that.
[Lina's voice is sounding more and more confident as she goes on until it reaches a point that she doubts Jen has ever heard, and she's smiling proudly at herself when it does.]
I used to sound like this all the time! Fuck, Jen, what even happened to me? We have to fight back against this. We don't have to just sit here and keep taking this!
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despite what she had just said about being her own person, Jen cannot help but compare the feeling to way Yang behaved in her first memories. thrashing all those goons at the bar with a smile on her face because she knew she could take every last one of them.
and she knows now that if Yang can take on the world and win, there's nothing stopping her from trying the same.
the feeling rebounds off of Lina's newly expressed confidence, too. the room is suddenly an echo chamber but instead of deafening it's empowering the way they seem to be reaching the same fever pitch together. ]
I don't know what happened - but I like this side of you. A lot. [ she closes her eyes for a moment and when they are re-opened the red has gone away again. the fire is only visibly dissipated though as she's no longer feeling that burst of rage from before. adrenaline is still kicking. ]
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[huh. Jen's eyes look back to normal now. or whatever the new normal is. she looks good no matter what color her eyes are, though.]
You reminded me what I used to be like! [she could go into a long talk about her past right now, and if she weren't feeling so hyped up she might, but she's not thinking about that right now.] It's always been in here, it's just... I forgot what it was like to feel like this. It feels good.
[her eyes flit down Jen's body very quickly, then head back up to her face. the smirk she's wearing looks like a challenge.]
I feel like I could do anything right now.
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god. Jen really shouldn't be thinking of that so literally. but with the way Lina's talking about herself, and the way she's looking at her... ]
Oh yeah? [ she finds herself licking her lips swiftly. convincing herself that's just because she was afraid of them running dry after all that talking. yeah, that's it. Jen's hand rises from the couch and rests itself upon Lina's knee. casually.....
no, there's nothing casual about the look in her eyes now, or the thoughts in her mind. ]
I could get behind that.
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Oh yeah?
[emotions may still be running high, but Lina still... probably has enough sense not to take that too far. but she does know what they're both comfortable with, and she's not really planning on wasting much time here. she pushes herself forward and puts her arms on Jen's shoulders, trying her best to push her down on the couch while kissing her harder than she ever has.]
[whether that first part pops off all right and she ends up on top of Jen is up in the air, but she doubts her roommate will have any problems with sudden, intense making out.]
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strike while the iron is hot, as they say. ]
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You really wanna do this?
[this is going to be Jen's last chance to back out if she doesn't want this to get racy, but the way Lina's asking, the slight cockiness to the question, the way the hand that started on Jen's shoulder is oh-so-casually slipping downward and the part where she's barely an inch from Jen's lips when she asks it, Lina thinks she knows the answer already.]
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if they want to. when they want to. same difference... right? ]
I really want to get out of these sweaty clothes. [ Lina can either help her with that, or get off so she can do it herself. that choice is hers. she may be relatively dry after the ride in her air conditioner car from the gym, but her shorts and sports bra and the sweatpants worn over the former are still holding on to a fair bit of workout funk. ]
don't look kiddos
[her hands both slide down, then, to Jen's chest stay there for a moment while Lina comes back in for another kiss, just as hard as the first. it's been a while since she's felt a girl up like this before, much less one she has to literally live with after it's over, and double much less one as out of her league as Jen is, but she's going to do her best.]
[she fumbles for the zipper of Jen's bra with her heart racing and her body trying to stay still as though she'll wake up out of some incredible dream she's having if she makes a single wrong move. it's nothing she hasn't seen before, but seeing Jen like this is somehow almost enough to pierce her confidence. until she tells herself that this is what they both want and if Jen didn't want it then she'd stop it and says fuck it and pulls the zipper all the way down.]
[actually looking would mean breaking the kiss again, though, and she's not sure she wants to do that quite yet.]
AVERT THINE EYES or not we're outta here anyway
kissing is good. very good. so is being free from the tight top like that but, yes, having it happen in this moment is not something Jen could say she ever predicted would happen. she can't even say if she's so sure it should be happening but - it's done. her chest heaves as she continues to hold Lina close and mash their lips together. ]
aaaand we're back
her roommate.
the one she was supposed to "keep it casual" with...?
this. could still be casual, right? if draping the blanket that was covering the back side of the couch over their bodies and shifting herself to snuggle up more comfortable with her could be considered "casual" then it counted. right? right.
casual or not, that was amazing, and she really ought to find the words for it. tired as her jaw might well be. ] That... wow...
[ yes, so smooth, Jen. much eloquence. ]
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[Lina can't believe herself. she kind of can, but also she kind of really, really can't. but she super can't believe Jen, who was not only okay with this but encouraged it and holy shit she should've encouraged it sooner. Lina's breathless and holding her roommate close and letting herself recover and she has the stupidest look on her face.]
We just did that. [don't worry, Jen. Lina's got you covered.] That was... fuck.
[yes. yes it was.]
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they're so close. on several terms now, apparently. things escalated so fast from the moment that she set foot in the bathroom and caught sight of her changes in the mirror, to her and Lina pumping themselves (each other?) up that they'd fight for their identities.
guess all that energy had to go somewhere. what better direction than... into each other?
wow, okay. thinking too much deeper into that is going to have to wait a few more moments. ] Yes... yes, we did.
God.
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I'm glad we did.
[that's sincere, but it's maybe not the right time for it, even though her brain is flooded with all kinds of good-time chemicals and she can't think of any time that would be better.]
Now we know what it's like.
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I don't want to get up. Ever.
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[she holds Jen closer even if they're both still recovering from being closer than they'd ever been before, and Lina has absolutely no plans to let her go.]
Where do you need to be that isn't right here?
[christ, she's disgusting. she should be making fun of herself right now.]
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Or maybe a bath. God, yes, a hot bath. [ a chuckle. ] Though at this rate I'd just pass out. Melt down the drain.
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Fine. I guess I can let you take a bath or something. If I have to.
[she's not letting up, though. she's too happy and lazy like this.]
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is that not a good attitude to have right now? does acceptance make her a bad person? Jen's a normal girl with normal needs, dammit, and if it turns out this city was turning her into a real horndog... well. she'll deal with it. ]
Mmm. Later though. I already feel like jelly. [ she wriggles her stump a bit, trying to make herself more comfortable. ] What did you do to all my hard-won muscles?
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You know exactly what I did to them. [she giggles and nuzzles herself against her roommate, and her hand goes up Jen's side carefully. she doesn't want to make Jen self-conscious or anything.] I guess you'll just have to build them up some more.
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the last tag you're getting tonight (nottalking)
challenge accepted
you did it wtg
hey so did they
ayyyy
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