[cool, okay. Lina can put dinner together. she really should've been able to do this sooner, or at least offered it sooner, but... look, she and her roommate haven't gotten along nearly as well as they need to if they actually want to be functional. she has to recognize that Jen is trying—in a lot of different ways—and maybe a conversation over dinner will do it.]
[she serves up a couple plates, actually satisfied with what she managed to make for the first time in a while, and slides them onto the table. and when she sits down, everything immediately feels unnatural. she eats at her desk, with fucking Galneryus blasting a hole through her skull, and she doesn't have conversations with people ever. but. maybe things can be different now.]
[Lina looks over at Jen and says the first serious thing she can think of.]
[ Jen's way of life, social as she may be by comparison, didn't leave a lot of time to just sit at home being idle. she doesn't have a TV in her own room, the living room set might as well be one of those empty cardboard displays at discount furnite shops, and almost all her meals are taken to-go or poured from a blender straight down her gullet.
even the times she does have free she doesn't like to spend it just idling around in her room. she was taught that breeds laziness and so once she was cleaned up she'd just head out, most times without a word, to go walking around town or, in the case of this past week, getting to know the people of the town both on and off the app.
hell, if it wasn't for Retrospec, those who were not closely following local athletics probably wouldn't even know who she was and why she was here. it's kind of a sad existence but it all serves its purpose.
tonight would be different.
tonight, Jen is sitting at the dinner table across from her roommate, who was not at all kidding about her skill in awkward conversation. it's a credit to Jen's iced tea that she doesn't choke on her food. ]
Yeah, ahem, that's, uh. I know. [ excuse her as she clears her throat some more. ] I was there.
[see this is probably how the date went-slash-is-going-to-go, too. told her/will have told her that it is/will have been a bad idea. still, it's kind of funny for Lina, seeing her own complete inability to talk get that kind of reaction.]
I thought you already knew, to be honest. I'm not exactly subtle about it. I mean... [is she going to call herself out? maybe she should hold off on that for a second, but also why the entire hell would she because she's already in for a penny.] Yeah, I like that evil horsewoman figurine I have for the design, but there's parts of the design I like more than others. Thought that was obvious.
[and now it's time for her to take a drink of her own iced tea and hope that Jen doesn't use this opening to wreck her.]
[you fucking know what evil horsewoman she's talking about. but fine, if she really has to continue calling herself out like this... she swallows her drink without choking on it, fortunately, but she wishes she were able to drink longer so she could stall. guess she'll have to think fast.]
You know, the one with the lance and the blonde hair and the... [she gestures at her own chest with very little grace to the whole motion.] That one. From the anime you don't watch.
[she shakes her head.] I only have the one. They're fucking expensive.
[there. that's what does it, that's what makes Lina choke on her drink in turn, and she deserves it. really, she deserves worse, but she'll take getting off easy however she can. and the evening is young.]
Yeah. [she should be more ashamed once she's done being too embarrassed to speak, but here she is.] I mean. Yeah. What, are you trying to find out what my type is? 'Cause usually people find that out before they set someone up on a date.
[ Jen has the tact not to laugh too hard, but the reaction? priceless.
though Lina's return serve was solid, she shrugs it right off. ] The way I'm reading it, it worked out anyway. [ pointing with her silverware. ] I wasn't there, but you haven't complained about it since that night.
Yeah, well. [she shrugs, looking down at her food and trying to stay, like, detached. something about what Jen just said bothers her, and since enough weird things are happening lately, she might as well bring it up.]
Is that really the only way you hear about stuff from me? When I complain about it?
Maybe not the only way but... it stands out to me. [ the truth can be hard to swallow. but, as they've both admitted, the number of lengthy conversations they've had is nearly zero and thus the sample size is too small to be conclusive. ] If we talked more, that could change.
You're just so busy all the time. Actually doing things. Being. [there's a few words she could use but she quickly settles on one that's at least a little flattering.] Productive with your life. And I'm stuck here.
[at least she cuts herself off before she says something too negative. this isn't the right time for that kind of energy when she can feel them on the precipice of some kind of breakthrough, maybe.]
Why? [ there are a number of ways to interpret the ways in which Lina is self-deprecating, and in most of those that paints them as polar opposites. that might be one underlying reason for Jen seemingly going out of her way like this.
besides, you know, wanting to keep this apartment as a nice, relaxing space away from the rigors of her life. zen and all. ]
I mean, why do you think you're stuck in here? Don't you have friends? [ she could have worded that more sensitively. oops. ]
[she gonna try to explain herself without losing her mind, because of course Jen wouldn't understand because there's no way she could understand what this is like.]
I can leave the apartment, but I can't... go to the gym, because that costs money. I can't meet girls at bars because I don't have a non-expired ID card and getting that fixed costs money. I can't take girls out on dates because it costs money and I can't bring them back here because my room looks like it belongs to some weeaboo gremlin.
[well, because it does, Lina. but she realizes her point in the middle of her ramble and goes back to pushing food around her plate without paying much attention to Jen.]
It just sucks sometimes. And then I see you and you have all your shit together.
You could always sell your wife. [ Jen only gives the briefest opportunity to object to that before her hand is already up. ] I'm kidding! I'm kidding.
[ she sighs and sinks back in her seat. Jen undoes the sash of the fluffy robe because her body was starting to warm up from that ice cold shower. she's still got a tank top and sweatpants on under. her hair's sheen is dulled thanks to the dry shampoo and she idly wonders if she'd be able to taste the food better if she could smell anything past that odor. ]
I can kind of understand where you're coming from with that. But a few of those costs can't be that high. Example being, I can get a guest in on my 24 hour gym access pass for, like, five bucks. Normal membership's ten, and the premium? Well, something tells me you won't be missing out on a tan. [ before Lina thinks that's a dig on her way of life, she adds. ] I mean, it's summer. Just go to the beach! That's practically free.
[there aren't any objections. she's considered it. more than once, really, but she... worked really hard to save up money to buy that figurine. and she wants to hang on to it. it's one of the few things she has that she's actually gotten for herself and didn't, like, need. it was an indulgence. it's more than just what's on the surface to her.]
[anyway, she's going to try her best not to stare, and fortunately she's too bummed out to be as attracted to Jen as that kind of display might usually get. Lina's in her casual clothes, a tank top with her bra straps poking out from underneath and an oversized plaid button-down hanging open, and she just. these clothes are so old. is there a way to sigh internally? she's doing that.]
I appreciate it, but that's not really the point, you know? [she finally looks up from her plate for longer than a couple seconds.] It just feels like... you're actually living and I'm just. Surviving. And it fucking sucks.
[ meanwhile, Jen has all these toys and trinkets in her life and rarely uses them. doesn't appreciate them. the only thing she hangs on to in this life with more sentimental value than cost is her dad's harmonica...
well. there's the stuff that Retrospec has given her. Jen rests her right elbow on the edge of the table with a dull thud and the doll-like joints of her hand make a faint sound as she puts her chin on it. for her part, she sounds a little tired. like they're going to be going around in circles.
you do one good thing for someone, and this is how it comes back to you in the end? that can't be right. ]
I don't know what you want me to say, Lina. I'm just trying to help.
[she's keeping her voice calm. almost resigned. she doesn't... deep down, and maybe closer to the surface than usual lately, she doesn't actually think Jen is a bad person. just. hard to be around, sometimes. which is impressive for how little they actually are around each other.]
I just thought maybe you'd... I don't know. I thought you'd want to know where I'm coming from. I wish I could be more positive, too. I don't... like being like this, Jen. [which she punctuates with a breathless kind of laugh.] I wish I could be more like you.
[ normally, a comment like that would have given Jen a swelling of the ego. isn't that one of the ideal things role models want to hear? to be looked up to for inspiration, for goals.
but this is different. ] I know I make being me look easy. I mean... I'm already me.
[ she smirked, briefly, before furrowing her brow. ] It's not easy, though. Even though ... yeah, I have help. I'll cop to that.
[ thanks, mom! ] It's still me out there, busting my butt every day and twice on Sundays. If I had to get a job flipping burgers to fund this life, I'd like to think I'd find a way to make it happen.
[it would be really, really easy for her to be her normal self here. for her to scoff and say something bitter and fake-biting about how Jen's life has to be easier because look at how much stuff she has and look at how much better off she is and look at how shitty Lina's life is in comparison!]
[but Lina swallows all that alongside a bite of her food and really thinks about it. for the first time in a while. they never use this table. they're roommates, they've been roommates, and either Lina is too antisocial to leave her room or Jen is too busy with her life to stick around very long or both. this is really, really kind of a big deal, that they're eating dinner together at all.]
You do work pretty hard. [she's looking past Jen, but at least she can see her face.] And if I didn't have anyone to cook for, I'd be eating ramen every night. I wouldn't even be able to focus on trying new recipes. I could kiss my dreams of being anything more than what I am goodbye.
[ Jen makes a face. ] Don't even joke about the ramen diet with me. Knew a guy in high school who did that, legit, and he was a twig! It didn't go good for him.
[ chew chew. least she's not talking with her mouth full. but Jen's cleaning her plate tonight, tough topics or not. ]
You could put me on your resume, couldn't you? "Private chef" or something like that. A fancy title. My mom would totally give you a good reference, and places love it when you have some experience. [ Jen speaks as if she's ever had to fill out a resume or perform an interview, ever. ]
[and Lina almost edges in a few words for herself about how the ramen diet didn't treat her so great either, but then... well, it's a good thing she's already sitting down.]
Wait, wait. You'd ask your mom to be a reference for me? [she doesn't... Lina's been nothing but a two-faced bitch at Jen since they became roommates. and here she is earnestly trying to make Lina's life better? she doesn't understand. really, she doesn't.]
[ well, fair, but that's before she learned a few things. Jen's not going to pretend that this isn't about her in the short term, but if she stood by watching Lina just basically rot away it would ultimately sit poorly within her. if they're going to be living together like this, she's got to give something back.
in the end, it would also reflect poorly on her if people went around digging into her personal history once she made it big. reporters, man. can't give them an inch. ]
Yes. [ Jen took another sip and gave Lina an odd look. ] Is that okay with you? I think it's fair. You should be getting something more out of all this than just living here rent free.
[Lina just needs a second. Jen and her mother have both been... or they're both being so, so kind to her, and it's hard for Lina to think that she actually deserves it. even just not having to pay rent would have been enough and now she's offering to do more?]
I just. Never even thought of that as an option. And even just calling me your private chef would open a lot of doors. [Lina looks back down at her plate. even half-eaten like this is, she's done... kind of a really good job with this meal, she thinks. huh.]
So is all this your way of saying that you're finally fed up with me being such a downer?
[ well, The Mom will definitely need some convincing but if Jen catches her on an already good day, then she'll go for it. come to think of it, she hasn't actually spoken to her over the phone in a while. this is a good time for it. ]
It's a lot classier than calling you my maid. [ Jen teased, with a wink and a smile. see, Lina? a smile! try it!! ]
[she says that after another bite and punctuates her sentence with a gesture from her fork.]
Maids usually have better manners than me. And those dresses are harder to come by than you'd think. [see, that's. half of that is good-natured joking. she totally knows how to smirk, which is like a smile.] Or maybe they aren't, I don't know what you're into.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
7/10, at home
[she serves up a couple plates, actually satisfied with what she managed to make for the first time in a while, and slides them onto the table. and when she sits down, everything immediately feels unnatural. she eats at her desk, with fucking Galneryus blasting a hole through her skull, and she doesn't have conversations with people ever. but. maybe things can be different now.]
[Lina looks over at Jen and says the first serious thing she can think of.]
So, uh. I guess I came out to you the other day.
[fucking nailed it.]
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even the times she does have free she doesn't like to spend it just idling around in her room. she was taught that breeds laziness and so once she was cleaned up she'd just head out, most times without a word, to go walking around town or, in the case of this past week, getting to know the people of the town both on and off the app.
hell, if it wasn't for Retrospec, those who were not closely following local athletics probably wouldn't even know who she was and why she was here. it's kind of a sad existence but it all serves its purpose.
tonight would be different.
tonight, Jen is sitting at the dinner table across from her roommate, who was not at all kidding about her skill in awkward conversation. it's a credit to Jen's iced tea that she doesn't choke on her food. ]
Yeah, ahem, that's, uh. I know. [ excuse her as she clears her throat some more. ] I was there.
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[see this is probably how the date went-slash-is-going-to-go, too. told her/will have told her that it is/will have been a bad idea. still, it's kind of funny for Lina, seeing her own complete inability to talk get that kind of reaction.]
I thought you already knew, to be honest. I'm not exactly subtle about it. I mean... [is she going to call herself out? maybe she should hold off on that for a second, but also why the entire hell would she because she's already in for a penny.] Yeah, I like that evil horsewoman figurine I have for the design, but there's parts of the design I like more than others. Thought that was obvious.
[and now it's time for her to take a drink of her own iced tea and hope that Jen doesn't use this opening to wreck her.]
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[ yep, Lina, you kind of asked for that one. ]
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You know, the one with the lance and the blonde hair and the... [she gestures at her own chest with very little grace to the whole motion.] That one. From the anime you don't watch.
[she shakes her head.] I only have the one. They're fucking expensive.
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[ fortunately she hasn't been given a good look into what actually goes on in there. Jen can't judge.
however, she can absolutely tease. ] So what you're saying is you like 'em big.
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Yeah. [she should be more ashamed once she's done being too embarrassed to speak, but here she is.] I mean. Yeah. What, are you trying to find out what my type is? 'Cause usually people find that out before they set someone up on a date.
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though Lina's return serve was solid, she shrugs it right off. ] The way I'm reading it, it worked out anyway. [ pointing with her silverware. ] I wasn't there, but you haven't complained about it since that night.
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Is that really the only way you hear about stuff from me? When I complain about it?
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You're just so busy all the time. Actually doing things. Being. [there's a few words she could use but she quickly settles on one that's at least a little flattering.] Productive with your life. And I'm stuck here.
[at least she cuts herself off before she says something too negative. this isn't the right time for that kind of energy when she can feel them on the precipice of some kind of breakthrough, maybe.]
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besides, you know, wanting to keep this apartment as a nice, relaxing space away from the rigors of her life. zen and all. ]
I mean, why do you think you're stuck in here? Don't you have friends? [ she could have worded that more sensitively. oops. ]
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[she gonna try to explain herself without losing her mind, because of course Jen wouldn't understand because there's no way she could understand what this is like.]
I can leave the apartment, but I can't... go to the gym, because that costs money. I can't meet girls at bars because I don't have a non-expired ID card and getting that fixed costs money. I can't take girls out on dates because it costs money and I can't bring them back here because my room looks like it belongs to some weeaboo gremlin.
[well, because it does, Lina. but she realizes her point in the middle of her ramble and goes back to pushing food around her plate without paying much attention to Jen.]
It just sucks sometimes. And then I see you and you have all your shit together.
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[ she sighs and sinks back in her seat. Jen undoes the sash of the fluffy robe because her body was starting to warm up from that ice cold shower. she's still got a tank top and sweatpants on under. her hair's sheen is dulled thanks to the dry shampoo and she idly wonders if she'd be able to taste the food better if she could smell anything past that odor. ]
I can kind of understand where you're coming from with that. But a few of those costs can't be that high. Example being, I can get a guest in on my 24 hour gym access pass for, like, five bucks. Normal membership's ten, and the premium? Well, something tells me you won't be missing out on a tan. [ before Lina thinks that's a dig on her way of life, she adds. ] I mean, it's summer. Just go to the beach! That's practically free.
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[anyway, she's going to try her best not to stare, and fortunately she's too bummed out to be as attracted to Jen as that kind of display might usually get. Lina's in her casual clothes, a tank top with her bra straps poking out from underneath and an oversized plaid button-down hanging open, and she just. these clothes are so old. is there a way to sigh internally? she's doing that.]
I appreciate it, but that's not really the point, you know? [she finally looks up from her plate for longer than a couple seconds.] It just feels like... you're actually living and I'm just. Surviving. And it fucking sucks.
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well. there's the stuff that Retrospec has given her. Jen rests her right elbow on the edge of the table with a dull thud and the doll-like joints of her hand make a faint sound as she puts her chin on it. for her part, she sounds a little tired. like they're going to be going around in circles.
you do one good thing for someone, and this is how it comes back to you in the end? that can't be right. ]
I don't know what you want me to say, Lina. I'm just trying to help.
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[she's keeping her voice calm. almost resigned. she doesn't... deep down, and maybe closer to the surface than usual lately, she doesn't actually think Jen is a bad person. just. hard to be around, sometimes. which is impressive for how little they actually are around each other.]
I just thought maybe you'd... I don't know. I thought you'd want to know where I'm coming from. I wish I could be more positive, too. I don't... like being like this, Jen. [which she punctuates with a breathless kind of laugh.] I wish I could be more like you.
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but this is different. ] I know I make being me look easy. I mean... I'm already me.
[ she smirked, briefly, before furrowing her brow. ] It's not easy, though. Even though ... yeah, I have help. I'll cop to that.
[ thanks, mom! ] It's still me out there, busting my butt every day and twice on Sundays. If I had to get a job flipping burgers to fund this life, I'd like to think I'd find a way to make it happen.
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[but Lina swallows all that alongside a bite of her food and really thinks about it. for the first time in a while. they never use this table. they're roommates, they've been roommates, and either Lina is too antisocial to leave her room or Jen is too busy with her life to stick around very long or both. this is really, really kind of a big deal, that they're eating dinner together at all.]
You do work pretty hard. [she's looking past Jen, but at least she can see her face.] And if I didn't have anyone to cook for, I'd be eating ramen every night. I wouldn't even be able to focus on trying new recipes. I could kiss my dreams of being anything more than what I am goodbye.
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[ chew chew. least she's not talking with her mouth full. but Jen's cleaning her plate tonight, tough topics or not. ]
You could put me on your resume, couldn't you? "Private chef" or something like that. A fancy title. My mom would totally give you a good reference, and places love it when you have some experience. [ Jen speaks as if she's ever had to fill out a resume or perform an interview, ever. ]
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Wait, wait. You'd ask your mom to be a reference for me? [she doesn't... Lina's been nothing but a two-faced bitch at Jen since they became roommates. and here she is earnestly trying to make Lina's life better? she doesn't understand. really, she doesn't.]
Like, you'd do something like that. For me.
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in the end, it would also reflect poorly on her if people went around digging into her personal history once she made it big. reporters, man. can't give them an inch. ]
Yes. [ Jen took another sip and gave Lina an odd look. ] Is that okay with you? I think it's fair. You should be getting something more out of all this than just living here rent free.
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[Lina just needs a second. Jen and her mother have both been... or they're both being so, so kind to her, and it's hard for Lina to think that she actually deserves it. even just not having to pay rent would have been enough and now she's offering to do more?]
I just. Never even thought of that as an option. And even just calling me your private chef would open a lot of doors. [Lina looks back down at her plate. even half-eaten like this is, she's done... kind of a really good job with this meal, she thinks. huh.]
So is all this your way of saying that you're finally fed up with me being such a downer?
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It's a lot classier than calling you my maid. [ Jen teased, with a wink and a smile. see, Lina? a smile! try it!! ]
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[she says that after another bite and punctuates her sentence with a gesture from her fork.]
Maids usually have better manners than me. And those dresses are harder to come by than you'd think. [see, that's. half of that is good-natured joking. she totally knows how to smirk, which is like a smile.] Or maybe they aren't, I don't know what you're into.
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